Well, I was walking on campus one day and a very attractive young man walked by me and I thought to myself: "why is it that I couldn't meet him and fall in love with him?" Just a silly passing thought. But it was the thought that followed that I held onto: "Paths cross, but never meet." And Voila! (not to be confused with a viola) 
Two lines for a new poem! Then I built around it and I came up with an okay poem. Well I like it a lot. So here goes. 
Crossing Paths (working title)
The road I'm on
I did not choose
Of all I hold
It's dreams I lose
I see a face
Beyond the feet
Our paths cross
But never meet
Sitting still
I'm running hard
Once solid heart
Now broken shards
Pale face and
Empty breast
A weight upon
My beating chest
Looking down
And seeing black
The sound of feet
Run front and back
Will it end
This path of grey?
This path of damned,
Gone yesterdays?
Once I sang
For only you
Now I sing
To make it through
But though I sing
You still stay
Just one path
One path away
I know it's kind of a dark poem, but let me know what you think. I welcome feedback (preferably in the form of constructive criticism :) Love You!
Elisabeth/Buzz/Betty, etc.
Friday, November 6, 2009
New Poem
Posted by Elisabeth at 9:27 AM
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3 comments:
I really like it Betty. I'm not a poetry person, so I don't dare give criticism. Still, I really like the idea of paths crossing but never meeting, like those freeways that go under or over each other. What you need to do is find someone going the same direction to merge with. ; )
I love it.
I like that poem. It has some really good lines in it, and, as usual, would make a GREAT song. Your poems really tend to be musical in their scan and rhyme and length of line.
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