Hey guys in lieu of mom's email asking us to be more open with each other I thought I would start with this.

This is my favorite picture of Ben and me. We were just barely engaged. and though it looks kinda staged it wasn't. We were genuinely happy. That period was probably the most idyllic time in the past I would say decade. That sounds very depressing. But it's true.

I was so excited to be getting married. And I knew it was the right thing. When Joshua (the boyfriend before Ben) asked me to marry him I had such a dark heavy feeling. But when Ben asked me... everything got so clear. it was such a wonderful feeling. So I was so happy. WE were happy together. perfect fit. in every way. ( maybe I'm only remembering the good and ignoring the bad. I do that sometimes. selective memory.)

Anyway... I've been through hell since then. or the closest to it that I can tell. and I've come off the worse for the wear. (how many cliche's have I used in this thing?) Life is hard. And nothing is ever set in stone. I've been able to find pieces of joy here and there. Through art, music, and of course, my favorite thing, my family. I love you all more than I can express. Thank you for being with me through this whole thing. thank you for your prayers and your love. I am blessed.